I had so many dreams. I was going to be a Japanese teacher. I would bring student groups here and show them Japan, my Japan, Japan from the inside. They would love it as much as I did.
I would inspire students to want to travel and live and breathe another country; really immerse themselves, live with passion, be compelled by the beauty to just want to be out there looking, taking it all in, filling them up.
Everywhere I went I was collecting, learning, experiencing; I wanted to know everything so I could give my students an authentic language experience. I studied Japanese exhaustingly, took calligraphy classes and Ikebana classes and tea ceremony classes. I learnt to tie a kimono and how to build a festival float.
I took thousands of photos, collected old cereal boxes and newspapers and menus, bought maps and magazines, CDs and manga, and all kinds of wonderful Japanese trinkets, all to set up my classroom; a little Japan.
Then, three years later, I brought it all home again. Ready to start.
And so all my trinkets and all my menus and magazines were boxed away along with my dreams. And there they sat, waiting, hoping that I would be given just one more chance….
But that chance never came. Life moved on and so did I… eventually.
And now, when I look at those boxes, they make me sad. They were never meant to make me sad, they were supposed to bring joy.
They still could bring joy. And so I am letting go, letting go of that dream, making way for new dreams.
And those boxes? Well they are going to where they should have gone all those years ago, to a classroom, a classroom full of students.
27th January: Thank you everyone for all your lovely comments. It is hard to let go of a dream. But since that space has been made I have been inspired with a new dream. It’s just a whisper at the moment, but the wheels are turning and I am feeling inspired again, like I did before.